Ep.1
LETTING GO – the forgotten art to fear less and love more
Ep.1
LETTING GO – the forgotten art to fear less and love more
Despite Elsa’s song of letting go reverberating through my house and ears (and yes, I do know most of the lyrics and can sing along), I sometimes forget it is not as easy as it sounds. Reflecting on the concept of letting go, it may even be part of the art of medicine that we, as doctors, struggle with the most.
How would it look if we could let a patient walk out of the office with no prescription, or less medication they came in with? Letting go of the idea that more is better or that we must always “do” something, forgetting that being there, listening, affirming and reassuring, could be the better medicine.
Letting go of the need to try and please everyone, and in the process not being your best for anyone. The waiting room will always be full, the emails will never be done and letting go of that urgent response (the fawn, flight, fight) can bring us back to the ventral where we can tap into our intuition and creativity.
When it comes to health, letting go is about relinquishing anxiety and fears and those unhealthy attachments that may hinder recovery or delay acceptance of a condition. Letting go does not mean we should just passively resign ourselves and “let go” of our agency but rather to accept reality so that it is easier to have agency.
We are sometimes afraid to let go – some things or thoughts, give us comfort or a feeling of stability in our anxiety. I am sometimes afraid that if I let go of perfectionism, will I still be a good doctor or if I let go of “people-pleasing,” will I still “belong”?
What I have learned in letting go of people-pleasing, is that it is fine if people do not like you. It gives more space for people who do, when you can be more of yourself (and let go of everyone else’s expectations).
And not aiming for perfection? This is where I allow myself the freedom to figure things out, connecting the dots and be brave enough to explore those grey areas in medicine where one size does not fit all and creative plans and more personalized solutions are needed.
I am not spared the anxiety ridden adrenaline roller coaster but one of the questions I ask myself from time to time, is “what are you still holding on to so tightly that you cannot let go?”
Unrealistic expectations
Unmade decisions
Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
Harsh self-criticism
The need to be everything for everyone
Definitions of success that are not aligned with my values
Stubbornness in pursuing goals way of course of my “north star”
Not accepting my quirks as what makes me “me” and instead seeing them as flaws
This poem by Nelson Mandela can be a lesson to both doctor and patient and a good way to send you off to think:
Letting go
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring: it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off; it is the realization that I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and love more.
~ Nelson Mandela
